Has anyone told you you’re enough?
Enough for living your life fully and attracting all you desire and hope for!
If they have, wonderful! If you have told yourself, well done!
What do we mean by “Enough-ness”?
“Enough-ness” is the feeling you have when you’re happy and life is good. It is like coming home to a warm cup of tea and a cozy chair. It is the felt sensation in your body when you experience yourself as sufficient. Think of the concept as “I’m grateful I have a glass” instead of “the glass I have is half-empty”.
In an earlier Blog about 4 Simple Heartfelt Questions, we mentioned this idea. How our culture emphasizes the ability to “Do” as a measure of our “Enough-ness”.
But what we do is not who we are.
We are Beings, not Doings. Our experience of being human springs from unique qualities, that defy measurement such as love, kindness, gratitude, compassion, wisdom, awareness, vitality and imagination. Our world is not a machine, and we are not gears in it – or products of it. We are not micro-processing brains, carried around by meat-machine battery bodies.
Feeling unworthy, not perfect, or just “Not Enough” happens when we make “outside referenced” choices, rather than “inside referenced” choices.
Our culture rarely distinguishes between our outside results and our inside experience of being human. This confusion is an underlying cause of the stress, anxiety and exhaustion for many of us.
We are unconscious of how we measure our “enough-ness” and how others may measure our “enough-ness” is variable. It triggers our basic survival needs, causing hormonal changes and instinctive behaviours. When we are always on high alert, it uses tremendous amounts of energy.
Soon, we can end up — not just running on fumes – but feeling empty. Or metaphorically, beating ourselves up with the “Not Enough” measuring stick.
How did it get so confusing? “Enough” is a word that has more than one meaning. It can mean a “a required value” or “to a required degree”, or an exclamation to stop… “Enough!” We associate the word with measurement primarily.
Enough, also describes the quality and our experience of sufficiency. Then the idea got applied to human beings themselves, not just what is happening outside of us.
The confusion occurs when we talk about our inner focused experience of ourselves or our outer focused experience as we observe the results of our actions. We fail to separate the effectiveness of the result from how we feel about the results. Then we projected how we feel about the results on the person(s) who were involved in the actions. We make a false assumption that if it came from them, it must be “what” they are. If we equate these aspects of experience, we miss a key distinction. We trigger survival stress when we confuse our essential self with the results of our thoughts and actions.
Our being human forms the foundation of “inner referenced” self-awareness. Our doing takes us into an “outer referenced” environment of action and results.
How do we get off this crazy hamster wheel? We focus on the innate qualities of our being human, our “enoughness”. We talk about it. We turn confusion into clarity. We develop skills to increase our awareness, to discover resources.
Our life is more than the sum of what we can measure – or even perceive. Our consciousness consists of more than thought. We have emotions. We have bodies. We connect with inspirations. We create synergy when we communicate and when we act.
We begin by putting ourselves into a state of feeling gratitude or feeling compassion. Gratitude and Compassion are gatekeepers to our inner sense of self. We remember our essential wholeness. We shift our focus away from measuring results. We consider our inner experiences of engaging with life’s learning curves. This idea may seem confusing at first encounter, because we rarely talk about it with each other.
Now, more than ever, it’s time to talk about it. “Not enough” drives our stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.
When we learn how to bring awareness to our inner resourced self, we begin to recognize how we have outgrown old patterns of behaviours and we begin to imagine new possibilities and choices. As we do so, our awareness of what we are doing and our belief in our increasing resourcefulness grow.
It dawns on us that our human capacity for awareness and resourcefulness are unlimited. We are and will always be enough. We can learn how to change our state to change the level of our awareness and focus on our resourceful nature. We can access our inherent “Enough-ness”.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself to Check if You’ve Made an “Outside Referenced” Choice.
Did the situation result in an uncomfortable felt body sensation? We might feel a knot in our belly or an ache in our heart. Or did a sensation of emotion well up inside your body? A feeling of energy draining away or tension?
Do you think to yourself “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” when starting your day?
Do you find yourself thinking to yourself “I don’t have enough ____ (time, money, approval)” when planning your day or week?
Do you judge yourself with a self-worth measuring stick? Is it your own or someone else’s? Giving or withholding approval are control behaviours. Do you judge yourself by your current body shape, your brand of clothes, your type of home, your current job title, your completed level of education, your relationship status, or the contents of your bank account? The examples become endless. Do you buy into other’s judgment of you?
Remember: Everyone is doing the best they can; with the awareness and resources available to them in the moment. Learning how to intentionally change our awareness and resources is what we are up to here. This shift in thinking lets the shame and blame begin to dissolve. Then we can get focused on choices and solutions.
When we move into feeling we are enough, our ability to perceive the big picture expands. We relax and our creative problem solving skills can come into play. We can figure it out. We become resourceful rather than worrying about having enough resources already. Big difference between “I can figure it out, I’m unlimited” and “I don’t have enough, I’m stuck”.
We can, intentionally, choose to change our state of mind by taking a few minutes to remember our human super power of focusing our awareness by connecting with the felt experience of gratitude or compassion. Once we are in that state of experiencing inner referenced awareness we are ready to imagine and consider other options to our situation. We become resourceful. If we imagine that we are already enough to figure things out, while we are in the process of moving towards our desires and goals, we are using “inside referenced” appreciation of our journey and self-compassion for the rush-hour dynamic around us.
The amazing part is, when we are in this state of being, we can notice and imagine solutions we had not recognized earlier.
Do you identify with “I am” as separate from “I am doing”? Think of yourself, and who you really are. “Who am I?” It is a question asked through the ages.
This is different than the external perception we may wish others to have of us. “Who am I as a Being?” disregards the external influences and measurements of our value. “Who am I?” brings our focus to imagine our highest potential. “Who could I be?” may be a useful place to begin. This is about who you are as a person, beyond measurement. And from there how you choose to express yourself. A being who experiences, learns and creates their own life and connects with other human beings.
Where do you recognize your sense of self when connecting and interacting with others and life around you? Do you use measurable outside references from past experiences, fear of the future, judgements of yourself and others? Or do you use the immeasurable qualities of your highest potential, seeking to express yourself and learn compassionately as you go?
Whether you want to call this reflection on your own soul, or simply the focus on qualities and emotions you feel as a person, the idea is to focus on who you are within.
“Enough-ness” expresses who you are, not what you do. Your aliveness, your human-ness, your free will, your capacities to choose, to shift your attention, to imagine, to love, show kindness, compassion, and your capacity to share are limitless. These qualities anchor your enough-ness.
“Enough-ness” means we are sufficient. When we say, “I’m only human”, we forgive ourselves in our failures of doing and accept that life gets messy.
At the same time, we can start talking to each other about our inner experiences and remind ourselves we are human Beings. Our essential nature fully equips us for this life. We can choose self-compassion when results don’t meet expectations, and keep exploring until we find a way. We can imagine new solutions. We create beauty. We solve problems with ingenuity. We love. Many believe we experience miracles. A human Being is far more amazing than anyone ever told us. We can start talking with each other about this.
We believe that by bringing our focused awareness inward to our “inner referenced” process of making choices, we are claiming a game-changing shift.
Love is Enough. It Flows. Limitless.
Life is Enough. We grow. Limitless.
Universe is Enough. Limitless.
We are part of Love, Life and the Universe.
We are Limitless. We are Enough!