How is it we arrive here today wanting to offer a program on conflict? Well, I’ve been in business for 40+ years and 5 teenagers and I can tell you the one thing that’s been constant is stress. How many of you have had days that have been extremely stressful?
Stress, according to Google search was the #1 search for January 2016. #1 – Stress!
Well, I’m kind thinking it must be an issue well beyond my circle of friends and certainly in my coaching career – in the last 20 years a professional coach – yes, people are stressed.
And even today I can be stressed – I am stressed! A lot of things happening – more to get done. It turned to snow today, it was supposed to rain – I had things to do. People call you – WOW – my day isnt’ flowing the way I thought it would when I woke up this morning.
How many of you find just the stress of life seems to build and sometimes it seems to build even over a day?
How many have been in the situation where really, when we get home, we’re exhausted. Not just from the hard work like the old days, but we’re exhausted from the emotional stress of working through overwhelm of too much to do and too little time.
Get through the stress of taking one more call – a situation we don’t have the answer for – one more question – that I’m not sure how I should respond. And perhaps, it’s even as simple as just stress in myself, I wanted to eat a little less for lunch, I wanted to exercise today, yeah? my trainer called and cancelled.
How many snack on something when you get overly stressed, grab something – you know you don’t need, or is it only me?
So we see stress as a real challenge.
Stress is the result of something not to our liking.
Some situations, just the natural evolution of life bring on stress.
We have coping mechanisms, but sometimes it feels like there are a dozen things!
Conflict Evolution is a simple process 5 simple steps to reconnect with ourselves and take the 1 thing – the 1 element, that’s going on inside ourselves or out there, that allows us, permits us, that gives us the resourcefulness, to work through, stay in the process of resolving the conflict and the stress just dissolves, almost naturally.
So, our process is simple:
What’s the story that I’m hearing about the stress or even making it up?
Then observe myself – what was I doing, what was going on inside?
What’s the feeling in me that brought up the stress? Once I’ve got that feeling, WOW – I need to step back and get a different perspective, get a breath – so I can reflect.
When I’m in that feeling of great stress, I need a different perspective. What do I need? Maybe I’ll go for a walk, a quiet moment of a 4 minute meditation, it can be done anywhere, anytime. I wish I could say I had 4 minutes! But I know I can start to unravel that stress in 17-27 seconds. I breathe. Into my belly and I connect with myself again – deeply.
On the out breath, I let go of the part of the story I made up, part of the element that was irritating me, niggling at me.
And I get a feeling that starts to come, and WOW maybe ‘que sera sera’, but not quite, but I can at least say – “If it isn’t right, it isn’t the end”, ’cause things are always right in the end. I brought that back from India and I’ve always remembered that. Things will be alright at the end. Let’s make this right with myself and then it will be right with others around me.
So I look at what do I need here?
I need a perspective.
I need some choice.
I need this process to slow myself down so I can stay connected in the process long enough to ask better questions, both of myself and others.
I need to slow the process down so people around me feel heard, they feel acknowledged, they feel seen and understood.
I need to do that because I want to maintain the trust and rapport that we’ve built over time.
That’s what I need.
And when I start to get some of those needs met, I can better attune to my sons, my daughters, what my family needs.
And then, well, I’be kinda settled out a couple of the primary needs, maybe there’s 3 or 4 and then I can look to, well… where do I start?
What’s the request I’ll make of me?
As I’ve already said, Slow myself down, start to breathe again, connect inside, understand we have this 5 step process, stay connected with myself and others. Then I’ll be able to make a request where I’m in that calm, more harmonious aligned state – and I’m settled.
I can make a request and say “What do you need?”, “What’s happening?”, “What’s up, Man?”
And I can listen, and I can hear
and we can create new choices together
and it works. 5 simple steps
5 Simple Steps
Check in with our stories
Are they true? What else might they be?
What are our feelings, in body?
What do we need, both of us, you and I together?
and what is a request we’d make of each other?
… and the stress just naturally dissolves.
Please share a comment below.
Is stress the #1 issue for you in 2016?